Blog by Esther Neela M.

As most people know, I am a cat owner. On Saturday, 12 January 2019, we (our family) had a difficult decision to put our dear lovely cat, Sesame to sleep. While no one wants to go through that decision-making, we, especially me, dreaded thinking of that moment. Sesame was not my first cat who had to go through the death process. I already had three cats who went through that – but those were natural death. The three earlier cats each had a disease that took them naturally away from us. Was it easy to deal with their natural death? In a way Yes. However, Sesame’s death was different and difficult. It was a decision we had to take and like many other pet owners’ questions such as “What if?”, “Was that necessary?” or “Maybe a miracle can take place…” and so on. She was put to sleep on Saturday, 12 January at 1.37 am. It was a time when the whole world became quiet and still for me. I was sure feeling helpless and lousy…

Sesame had her first seizure on 09 January, morning. We rushed her to the vet and the vet ran many tests and fixed an appointment for further tests 2 weeks later. She was back home, was eating well, but the movement had decreased and she was mostly confined to her sleeping area. Late Friday night, 11 January, before 12 am, Sesame had her second seizure. This time, it was longer than the earlier one. To make things worse, she also had bleeding from her nose. We rushed to the emergency vet. She seemed lifeless for a long time at the vet. The vet was suggesting further tests in the morning when the regular clinic is in operation. The vet was also telling us that she had limited chances of survival if we prolong her life. We looked at her and we knew she did not have the strength or determination to take it any further. After much debates among ourselves, we finally agreed to a common decision. When the decision was made to put Sesame down, she seemed to understand and started “cleaning” herself (as if preparing herself) for the final journey. My mother was the one who was speaking to her until the final journey.

As a pet owner, this is something I do not like. However, it is also something I cannot avoid too. Anything that has life in it has an expiry date too…after all, being in the Spiritual line and/or holistic, I should be better prepared? Well, not really. My departed cats and existing cats all have taught me some lessons and are still teaching me too. Each of my earlier departed cats went through the death process differently. My first cat, Jacintha had heart problems. My second cat, Violet had kidney issues. My third cat, Lotus, had blood-related issues. However, their deaths were natural – something that was slightly easier to accept. Sesame’s death was and will not be easy for me and for my mother too (as she is the one who is always at home with them). Sesame taught me a valuable lesson…What was that? Even at that time of death, there is nothing to fear: Prepare and accept it…

Can I accept? As of now, I am still struggling to accept. My cats are part of my family life. They are part of me too…It will take some time, as any death will do.

In addition, I must add something on Sesame: she was the most responsive cat I ever had. She was adopted from SPCA, together with her best buddy, Violet. She responds to any talk by us to her with “meows” and was never shy to respond in her cat meows. Even to the last, Sesame was responding with her meows – perhaps she is also saying her final “goodbyes” to us.

We had a private cremation for Sesame on 12 January 2019, Saturday. We got that done at Mount Pleasant Pet Cremation Centre.

To our dear beautiful Sesame: Thank you for being part of our family over these years. Most importantly, thank you for the wonderful memories…

I have dedicated some pages just for my cat Zen Masters in my website. I appreciate their time with me and their unspoken ways of unconditional love…

https://www.withinsenses.com/my-zen-cats

The internet is full of pet owners telling of their agony and the life lessons they received, etc. I chose two articles that relate to me most…

5 Lessons I Learned From Losing My Own Pet by Kimberley Beldam-Saylor
http://drandyroark.com/5-lessons-learned-losing-pet/

Dealing With the Loss of Your Cat by Adrienne Kruzer, RVT
https://www.thesprucepets.com/grieving-the-loss-of-your-cat-552081